Written by Anonymous (2023)

Coming out is liberating. I very recently came out as bisexual, and cannot explain the overwhelming feeling of joy when I finally found the strength to be who I am and love who I love. I don’t feel like I have to hide or deny it to myself any longer, and for that, I couldn’t be prouder of myself.

Coming out is also scary for me. When I finally came out to myself, I felt a great sense of confusion in addition to the general feelings of happiness. I’m comfortable with my sexuality, but I fear telling some of the people in my life more than anything else. Deciding who I wanted to tell and when I wanted to tell them did not come easy to me, and it consumed my thoughts for a long time. I ultimately decided to tell one of my closest friends first, and her reaction made me realize that everything was going to be okay. Her kindness propelled me to tell my other friends and my siblings, and I’ve received nothing but support so far.

Telling my parents is not something I dread, but I will admit that I’m not exactly eager to do so. I have had the privilege of growing up in a largely accepting family, and I’ve always been told that I was going to be loved no matter how I identified. When my mom says this, I believe her. She has the biggest heart of anybody I know, and I know she will be overjoyed to hear that I’m figuring out who I am. My dad, on the other hand, has struggled to understand the LGBTQ+ community for a very long time, despite my efforts to educate him first as an ally, and now as a bisexual woman. He has always harbored internalized homophobia coupled with general misunderstanding, and I have witnessed it in my home firsthand. If my brother ever put on makeup or wore anything remotely feminine, my dad would yell at him to go change and chastise me for allowing that to happen. He rolls his eyes and leaves the room whenever I watch Drag Race. I’ve tried for years to explain that everyone should be able to love who they love and be who they are without judgement, but his understanding and acceptance is still limited today. My mom says to be patient with him, but it’s been seven years. Now that I’ve come out, how much longer should I have to be patient?

I recently had a discussion with one of my other friends who in the past also had a hard time coming out as bisexual to the people in her life, and she took on a perspective that has stuck with me, and I hope others can find as much meaning in it. The idea of coming out assumes that heterosexuality is the norm, and if you are anything other than heterosexual, you have to justify it to others. The fact that I am attracted to multiple genders does not deviate me from any norm, because there is no norm. I want to be able to say that I am attracted to people regardless of their gender identity or expression, and not have people react to it as if it is the most earth-shattering piece of news they have ever received. However, my view of the future is not a bleak one. The fact that people recognize that heterosexuality does not have to be the norm, and that loving whomever you want should be, is certainly progress in my eyes. I know my parents will not be the last people I tell, but I firmly believe the time for assumptions is over.